Sporadical

Here's what I need to hypothesize/state/clarify/substantiate. There's a valid chance this will all make more (or less...?) sense if read quickly, while spinning around in your office chair:

Cats are Satans furry henchmen. Pure evil. Just because your name is "Buckets" doesn't mean your not the minion of the Underlord himself. Espionage via feline, you think your a clever chap don't you Lucifer?

I got two haircuts in 4 days. The first one was from Dean, a nice, yet chatty fellow working at Fantastic Sams. Several days later that style was dead, so my sister Amanda (she also likes boys) finished the deed in the backyard. She also talked a lot.

Christmas is coming. Procrastination is an epidemic.

The Movement has begun, I can't speak upon it here. If your a male (we'll take your word for it, we're not the type to "check") and would like to join, contact your local representative.(DB or myself)

Ever notice how Natural disasters only happen in areas with a high population? Population control at it's cheapest. Think I'm joking? Notice the lack of assistance the local government/regime has shown at saving it's own people? Their trying HARDER to keep anyone else from saving their countrymens/womens lives. They refuse our manpower, yet accept our monetary donations???? The olympics are going to be very interesting.

Chivalry is dead. Blame text messaging. LOLing repeatedly doesn't seem charming, just creepy. I don't understand the "code" either? This is my way of apologizing.

Leah Donelson is getting married. Calm down. It's not til next year.

If you move the office Ficus and inch closer to a co-workers desk everyday, he will fall off the wagon.

Why do tents now come with different rooms? If you can't sleep in the same tent-room while camping..even if it's the only way to survice hypothermia then your relationship can't be saved by anything! Especially Scientology.

The "tech support" employee in India annunciates his english better than I do, but he speaks faster than an asthmatic chimunk.

There's a Starbuck on East Colfax, between a liquor store and the corner where the dealers sell their "merchandise"....coincidence?

These are actually the least ridiculous ideas I've had today.

TTYL.

For your Mama

Sunday is Mothers Day. Make sure you spend it with your Mom. Or go get a tattoo for her.

I love you Ma!

Lost and Found

Lost and found (LAF) : Lost and found this is Shaneya, how can I help you?
Danny (ME) : Um....hello Shaneya....wow what a beautiful name!
LAF: .....what ya need sir?
ME: I was hoping I left something there, and was wondering if.....if I could come get it?
LAF: What did you lose?
ME: What do you have?
LAF: Excuse me?
ME: I'm just looking......
LAF: Sir, I can NOT just tell you what we have!
ME: Do you have anything..........weird?
LAF: What EXACLTY are you looking for Sir?
ME: Well........my mind.
LAF: Sir?
ME: I've lost my mind, I need to find it
LAF: (Click)
ME: Hello?

No Way Jose!

Todays "man-crush" goes out to none other than Goalie Jose ("joe-say") Theodore. His ridiculously-good "did he really just save that" play of late has our beloved Colorado Avalanche heading to the second round. We're coming Detroit!....or maybe Dallas....either way (cue evil laugh) HA HA HA HA!
Can you feel the Bromance?!?
The Nuggets got spanked. I don't want to talk about it.

Consolidated thoughts

Ahoy! How goes my amigos? Good I hope. Spring is here (almost) which is good, because Parka's make me look fat. The weather is warmer, birds are chirping, everything is in bloom...which means my allergies have me in agony! Seriously , you know that scene in Indian Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark where those silly Nazi's open the Ark and are instantly Melted......That's how my face feels. I have a few ideas/thoughts/rants I would like to go public with. If I offend anyone, then your a pussy.
I can't stand Seattle or it's inhabitants. Nothing but a whole city full of wannabe tough-guy metrosexuals. Your sports teams are horrible, Your attitude is moody, Your greatest accomplishment or gift to America is Starbucks. Overly Caucasian Smug hippie losers. Your relevancy died with Kurt Cobain.
"Mean Girls" is an awesome movie. Yes I know its a teen girls movie starring none other than Lindsey "What drugs?" Lohan, but I like it. Its well written, by none other than Tina Fey. Its a quick, witty, and hysterical jab at todays youth. If someone has beef with that, then meet my under the flagpole and we'll settle this like gentlemen.
Booze = Giggle Water.
The NHL playoffs are unbelievable. They still surprise me after over 10 years of loyal watching! It's like regular hockey on speed. Every player skates their hardest, every hit is thunderous, every goal is a miracle. Tune in. OR, you can watch Dancing With the Stars, while doing your boyfriends laundry.
What would Silicon Valley High School's Mascot be?
Advertising = Propaganda. No explanation needed.
I saw a chewing gum commercial last night that made the special effects in Transformers look photoshoped.
Read and Repeat: Pharmacuetical companies are the enemy. The publicly abused politicians are simply their Pawns.
I'm only telling those who are too ignorant to have already figured it out. Believe what you want. Those of you with prescriptions might have a harder time believing me. Imagine that.
At least your thinking about it now.

Be Brief (it's a pun)

I had a dream I was a shark, but I was afraid to attack humans, the other sharks ridiculed me greatly. I was an outcast in the shark community. So I grew out my hair and started a rebellious punk rock Shark-band. We killed.............................get it?
If your a male, or a female or even a "somewhere in between", and you haven't figured out that Boxer Briefs are twice if not six-times more comfortable than regular boxers OR plain old briefs than your a square.
I was thinking of starting a club/group. A meeting of the minds if you will. Somewhere between the Super-Friends and the Buena Vista Social Club. But without either geriatrics or spandex.......ok ok geriatrics welcome, but only because they always have the most bad-ass stories. I'm standing firm on the NO Spandex protocol though.
Since the economy is sliding downhill quicker than Roseanne wrapped in cellophane I think I'm going to sell oil, by the ounce, in small plastic baggies, from out of my trenchcoat, under the bridge at 225 and Colfax. Keep it on the down low.

No meat, no problem.

I did it. 1 complete month without ANY meat @ all. I am currently devouring a cheesesteak (with bacon) sandwich while listening to the song "bloodmeat" by one of my fav bands Protest the Hero, to celebrate. It was a long month, and I gained a lot of mental strength from the challenge. But I'm glad it's over. Go kill something and eat it.